Forgiveness Sets Us Free!

The reason we need to address this is because if we don’t, people don’t get healed and can walk around with bitterness for years and even decades. I know of people who are 50 and 60 years old who are carrying around the scars and pain of things that happened in their teen years! I have also seen God do amazing things in people’s lives. Sometimes this results in a greater family relationship. Other times it just means that an individual is healed of past pain. I have worked with youth who were angry at a father they
never met. I have been asked, “How can I forgive someone I have never met?” I have also been asked, “How can I forgive someone who has hurt me, is not sorry and has not changed?”
These are difficult questions but are very important ones. The first thing I would say is that forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about you. Holding onto unforgiveness is bad for you. Bitterness and anger have a way of eating away at you mentally, spiritually and even physically. We need to forgive others for ourselves.

Forgiveness sets you free to live your life. Forgiveness also is different and separate from reconciliation. Reconciliation means that you enter back into a healthy and life giving relationship with the person who has hurt you. That is not possible sometimes when the person refuses to change and continues to do things that will hurt us or is absent or deceased. There are things that are outside of your control, and you can drive yourself crazy trying to change things that you don’t have power to change.
Wounded Heart pg. 53

When you forgive someone, it means that you are letting go of what they did to you. It doesn't mean that it was ok or that you will be close with them again. It means you take a stand, let go of what they did so that you can move forward. Whether or not a friendship or relationship follows is a different matter.

In society today people think that if they say "sorry" that whatever they did is gone or ok. The reality is that the damage may still be there. Forgiveness is one of the needed steps to move towards healing.

Prayer: Jesus, help me to forgive those that have hurt me. Today I choose freedom over the reality of pain so that I can be set free and healed in my heart and emotions. I also ask for wisdom on how to deal with people so that I will not continue to get hurt. I pray this in Jesus name - amen!

Key 4 – Identify the Cause of Your Pain

Just about everyone has been through a significant painful season of life. Our hearts can be hurt by a lot of different things. Many times we think about broken hearts from a romantic point of view. This is only one way that our hearts can be wounded. If we are going to have healthy emotions and a healthy outlook on life, we have to live life with our heart and soul in a place of peace. This means identifying events and situations that have hurt us in the past or that we are currently going through. I have worked with people who lived in abusive situations. Their goal was to be free and healed of past pain but they couldn’t do that because of their living situation. Their first step to healing and wholeness was moving out! This may seem difficult, but at times is absolutely necessary. I have seen others stay in an abusive situation and watched it destroy them over time.

Other patterns may have to be broken. Some people expect to fail because of past experiences or what they have been told throughout life, especially while growing up. We are shaped by the voices that we listen to. Many people grow up hearing negative things and they allow their lives to be shaped and defined by this negativity. We have to begin to study God’s Word and allow Him to define us, not someone else who was speaking through their own pain. Wounded Heart pp. 51-52

God created us to live great lives. Too many times, past experiences hinder us from enjoying today. To move past the pain of today, we have to look at some of our past experiences that we are still carrying with us or may be going through right now.

2 words often worry me when I ask people how they are doing and they say: "I'm fine". Now praise God that many are doing fine, but I have asked people who have experienced a great deal of pain and they look at you and say "I'm fine" when they pretty much can't be.

Let's be real with ourselves and name those things that have hurt us. Let's end bad situations if we need to. Either way, after we bring the painful past to God, let's ask Him to heal us. This is not only for ourselves, but for your relationships and even they way that you treat others. If we don't overcome past pain, it will affect both our personal and professional relationships!

Prayer: Jesus, today I come to you and ask you to help me. Help me to know what emotional pain I am carrying around and help me let go of it. Right now I give you my past pain. Help me to move forward, free from the past, to have internal peace and be stronger than ever! I pray this in Jesus name - amen.

Key 3 – Allow Your Pain & Disappointment to Drive You to God

On our journey to healing, we have two choices. We can allow our pain and disappointment to either drive us to God or drive us away from God. We can either begin to know God as the Healer or have growing feelings of bitterness or distance from God. It really is a choice. God is available but we have to choose to go to Him. I have seen people take both roads. I have taken both roads. In my own experience, the one that leads to God is the better road. It is not always an easy road, but it is always a better road.

I don’t know of anything that can heal wounded hearts besides God. Time may make the pain seem less and we always have to move on in life. We can achieve things that may make up for past failures and that can help. We can begin new relationships, but many times there are things from the past that just “pop up” from time to time, that can reignite all kinds of negative memories and feelings.

I got to a point where I just wanted to start over again. One of the things that was frustrating in my life was that I felt like I had started over so many times. Each time I started over, it was just a matter of time until I was starting over again. I felt like one of those little hamsters running like crazy on his wheel but getting nowhere! pp. 45-46

The secret to getting off the hamster wheel of pain and disappointment is running to God. It is quite interesting that many times in life we run away from the very thing we need most. We even blame the only One who can help us! Yes God is all powerful, but we have to recieve His power!

Prayer: Lord today, I choose to come to you with my pain. I give you my pain. I give you my diappointment and I walk away from it. I ask Your presence to replace the pain and bring me healing. I pray this in Jesus' name - amen.

Key 2 – Understand How Important Your Heart Is

With a house full of small children, we have to constantly make sure that we are not leaving valuable items around. We had a brand new cell phone disappear. Brand new bottles of lotion, hair care products and soap will get dumped out or smeared on the wall. We have had walls, doors and television sets written on with pen, markers and crayons. Jewelry, remote controls, computers and electronic games have been lost, damaged and even broken. Little children have no concept of how valuable things are. Just like these wonderful, precious children, we often don’t have a proper understanding of how important our hearts are and how we should protect and care for them.


God cares very much about your heart. It amazes me that God cares about my heart more than I care about it myself. This may sound strange but it is very true for many people. If you look around the world you see many people giving their hearts away to just about anybody. So many individuals are walking around with low self-esteem, while others may be quite proud of themselves but don’t have any regard for how they live and the consequences down the road. Wounded Heart pg. 39



It amazes me to see how little some people actually consider the importance of their hearts. They are driven to make their hearts happy by chasing after the next accomplishment, relationship or achievement without any consideration of their heart.



Like little children who don't know the value of true gold over plastic gold, many teens and adults are walking around without the an understanding of the true value of their own heart. In an attempt to fulfill the needs of their hearts, people often put themselves into positions that actually keep their hearts from being fulfilled.



Prayer: Lord, help me to value my own heart. Teach me to value myself and my heart as much as you do. I pray this in Jesus name - amen.

So What Does True Love Look Like?

True love does two things: It protects and provides. There are many different things that we call love, but love is much more than a feeling or sensation. In its purest and most powerful form, love is a choice and it is action. What we do is much more powerful than what we feel. Feelings come and go. True love doesn’t change like the wind. If you want to know if someone loves you, just watch what they do. Do they protect you from things that would harm you and provide you with the things that you need like friendship, companionship, support and encouragement? Just think about that a little and remember that true love does two things: It protects and it provides. Wounded Heart p. 36

So much of our society is based on what people feel right now. One of the greatest keys to living a great life is consistency to values, principles and actions. Feelings are often the enemy of true love. True love demands that I do many things that I don't want to. Those of us that are married and/or have children know that love drives them every day to do things they don't "feel" like doing!

True love also doesn't change like the weather. True love is like a house built on a solid foundation. Through sunny days and storms - it stands. We often settle for a feeling that can change at the drop of a hat. If you are going to overcome past pain and disappointments and avoid future ones, you must learn to walk in true love and expect and actually demand it from others.

While we can't force people to love us this way, we can make sure that we don't settle for anything less. This means both being careful with who we expect to show is this kind of love but also to do all we can to help others understand, experience and walk in this kind of love also. This is impossible without God. This is why we should not enter into a romantic kind of love with anyone who doesn't truly love the Lord. We should also be careful with our friends. Yes, we need to be friends with many people and share Christ with all, but we need to make sure that our closest friends are on the same page and walking in God's love and Lordship.

Prayer: Jesus, continue to teach me what true love is. Teach me to expect people to love me in what they say and do in addition to what they feel. True love protects and provides, help me to settle for nothing less and use me to demonstrate what true love is wherever I go. I pray this in Jesus name - amen.

Key 1 - Learn What True Love Is

Our world is full of “experts.” We can turn on the radio, TV or go to the bookstore to hear or read great advice from the “experts.” It is amazing how many of yesterday’s experts are now seen as flawed or even flat out wrong. The world is full of marriage experts who are on their second or third marriage! I couldn’t believe it when I heard that the son one of the greatest “child experts” committed suicide. I think that we are often too quick to accept things we hear as good advice from whoever is most popular. So the question is, “Who do we go to when we want to understand the heart?” Science teaches us that everything that is organized and has a specific design and purpose needs a creator—someonewho planned it and put it together. That creation is designed to work a certain way, under certain conditions, and be maintained a certain way. Wounded Heart p. 33

The heart was created by God. It was created to feel and express so that we could live a life of passion and fulfillment. Along the way, our hearts grow or can be hurt. Love is one of the main driving forces behind our heart. If we don't know where to go to grow and where to go when we are hurt, we will be in trouble.

Knowing what true love is, the God kind of love, is absolutely necessary to live life to the fullest. Forget about the romance stuff for a minute. We need to understand, experience and walk in the love of God just so that we can be better people and enjoy life each day.

Now when it comes to relationships - family, friends and yes the romance type. There are so many "experts" out there that getting a clear understanding of how we should treat people and how they should treat us can be quite confusing. When we go to the author of life and the God described in the Bible as "God is love" that's the place to begin.

I literally learned what real love was from God Himself and through His Word the Bible. This may seem foreign to you, and it was for me but God began to teach me Himself. His presence in my life grew through prayer, study of God's Word and worship.

Prayer: Lord teach me what true love is. Remove all of the false definitions and improper examples of love that I have seen and experienced. Teach me what true love is so that I will settle for nothing less. I pray this in Jesus name - Amen

Delicate, fragile and wonderful

Your heart is soft, delicate and fragile. But it is also wonderful and capable of feeling so many awesome things. Imagine your heart is like a sponge. The reason a sponge can work is because it is soft. Because it is soft, it can absorb things. Also, because a sponge is soft, you can squeeze it and out comes whatever was absorbed. Just like a heart! A heart must be soft so that it can absorb love. It also must be soft so that it can be squeezed, like from a big hug, and the love can be given away.

Have you ever tried to wipe something up with a completely dry sponge? It doesn’t work very well and can’t absorb or be squeezed out. It only works when it is a little moist. Too many times, our hearts are hurt and become dried up and cannot absorb or give away love. When we learn how to take care of our hearts, we can keep them from drying up and causing us to live with no joy, hope, happiness or hunger to live life to the fullest. My hope is that we can learn how to live our lives in such a way that our hearts do what they are supposed to do. Wounded Heart pp. 29-30

I have one more example of what a heart is like. Your heart is like a beautiful crystal, finely cut, thin vase. Even if you’re a 6-foot, 3-inch middle linebacker, that describes your heart! Back to the vase: It is finely crafted, has great detail and is very valuable. Now if I took that vase and slammed it on the ground, what would happen? It would break into a million pieces. So we should just make sturdier vases, right?

Imagine this. My wife’s favorite flowers are tulips. When I buy my wife flowers, I will usually get her a dozen tulips. Just imagine if I was afraid of putting them inside a beautiful, fragile vase because I was afraid it would break. What if instead, on my way home, I pulled over to the side of the road and picked up a dirty, ugly rock, chipped a hole in it for the flowers, threw it in the back of my pickup truck and brought it home. On the way, I think about my new boulder vase with great pride. It will never break, we can have it forever and my wife will love it! Imagine that I walk into the house with those beautiful flowers in that dirty, old, ugly rock that I decided to turn into a vase. I’ve never tried it, but I don’t think that my wife would appreciate my creativity and everlasting vase. Wounded Heart pp. 30-31

The reality is for our hearts to be beautiful, they must be breakable.

This ends our introduction of Wounded Heart. We are now ready to get into some very practical keys to overcoming life's pain and disappointments. Remember that your heart is beautiful and so are you!!!

Tune in soon as we get ready for Key #1 Learn What True Love Is...