Forgiveness Sets Us Free!

The reason we need to address this is because if we don’t, people don’t get healed and can walk around with bitterness for years and even decades. I know of people who are 50 and 60 years old who are carrying around the scars and pain of things that happened in their teen years! I have also seen God do amazing things in people’s lives. Sometimes this results in a greater family relationship. Other times it just means that an individual is healed of past pain. I have worked with youth who were angry at a father they
never met. I have been asked, “How can I forgive someone I have never met?” I have also been asked, “How can I forgive someone who has hurt me, is not sorry and has not changed?”
These are difficult questions but are very important ones. The first thing I would say is that forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about you. Holding onto unforgiveness is bad for you. Bitterness and anger have a way of eating away at you mentally, spiritually and even physically. We need to forgive others for ourselves.

Forgiveness sets you free to live your life. Forgiveness also is different and separate from reconciliation. Reconciliation means that you enter back into a healthy and life giving relationship with the person who has hurt you. That is not possible sometimes when the person refuses to change and continues to do things that will hurt us or is absent or deceased. There are things that are outside of your control, and you can drive yourself crazy trying to change things that you don’t have power to change.
Wounded Heart pg. 53

When you forgive someone, it means that you are letting go of what they did to you. It doesn't mean that it was ok or that you will be close with them again. It means you take a stand, let go of what they did so that you can move forward. Whether or not a friendship or relationship follows is a different matter.

In society today people think that if they say "sorry" that whatever they did is gone or ok. The reality is that the damage may still be there. Forgiveness is one of the needed steps to move towards healing.

Prayer: Jesus, help me to forgive those that have hurt me. Today I choose freedom over the reality of pain so that I can be set free and healed in my heart and emotions. I also ask for wisdom on how to deal with people so that I will not continue to get hurt. I pray this in Jesus name - amen!

Key 4 – Identify the Cause of Your Pain

Just about everyone has been through a significant painful season of life. Our hearts can be hurt by a lot of different things. Many times we think about broken hearts from a romantic point of view. This is only one way that our hearts can be wounded. If we are going to have healthy emotions and a healthy outlook on life, we have to live life with our heart and soul in a place of peace. This means identifying events and situations that have hurt us in the past or that we are currently going through. I have worked with people who lived in abusive situations. Their goal was to be free and healed of past pain but they couldn’t do that because of their living situation. Their first step to healing and wholeness was moving out! This may seem difficult, but at times is absolutely necessary. I have seen others stay in an abusive situation and watched it destroy them over time.

Other patterns may have to be broken. Some people expect to fail because of past experiences or what they have been told throughout life, especially while growing up. We are shaped by the voices that we listen to. Many people grow up hearing negative things and they allow their lives to be shaped and defined by this negativity. We have to begin to study God’s Word and allow Him to define us, not someone else who was speaking through their own pain. Wounded Heart pp. 51-52

God created us to live great lives. Too many times, past experiences hinder us from enjoying today. To move past the pain of today, we have to look at some of our past experiences that we are still carrying with us or may be going through right now.

2 words often worry me when I ask people how they are doing and they say: "I'm fine". Now praise God that many are doing fine, but I have asked people who have experienced a great deal of pain and they look at you and say "I'm fine" when they pretty much can't be.

Let's be real with ourselves and name those things that have hurt us. Let's end bad situations if we need to. Either way, after we bring the painful past to God, let's ask Him to heal us. This is not only for ourselves, but for your relationships and even they way that you treat others. If we don't overcome past pain, it will affect both our personal and professional relationships!

Prayer: Jesus, today I come to you and ask you to help me. Help me to know what emotional pain I am carrying around and help me let go of it. Right now I give you my past pain. Help me to move forward, free from the past, to have internal peace and be stronger than ever! I pray this in Jesus name - amen.

Key 3 – Allow Your Pain & Disappointment to Drive You to God

On our journey to healing, we have two choices. We can allow our pain and disappointment to either drive us to God or drive us away from God. We can either begin to know God as the Healer or have growing feelings of bitterness or distance from God. It really is a choice. God is available but we have to choose to go to Him. I have seen people take both roads. I have taken both roads. In my own experience, the one that leads to God is the better road. It is not always an easy road, but it is always a better road.

I don’t know of anything that can heal wounded hearts besides God. Time may make the pain seem less and we always have to move on in life. We can achieve things that may make up for past failures and that can help. We can begin new relationships, but many times there are things from the past that just “pop up” from time to time, that can reignite all kinds of negative memories and feelings.

I got to a point where I just wanted to start over again. One of the things that was frustrating in my life was that I felt like I had started over so many times. Each time I started over, it was just a matter of time until I was starting over again. I felt like one of those little hamsters running like crazy on his wheel but getting nowhere! pp. 45-46

The secret to getting off the hamster wheel of pain and disappointment is running to God. It is quite interesting that many times in life we run away from the very thing we need most. We even blame the only One who can help us! Yes God is all powerful, but we have to recieve His power!

Prayer: Lord today, I choose to come to you with my pain. I give you my pain. I give you my diappointment and I walk away from it. I ask Your presence to replace the pain and bring me healing. I pray this in Jesus' name - amen.

Key 2 – Understand How Important Your Heart Is

With a house full of small children, we have to constantly make sure that we are not leaving valuable items around. We had a brand new cell phone disappear. Brand new bottles of lotion, hair care products and soap will get dumped out or smeared on the wall. We have had walls, doors and television sets written on with pen, markers and crayons. Jewelry, remote controls, computers and electronic games have been lost, damaged and even broken. Little children have no concept of how valuable things are. Just like these wonderful, precious children, we often don’t have a proper understanding of how important our hearts are and how we should protect and care for them.


God cares very much about your heart. It amazes me that God cares about my heart more than I care about it myself. This may sound strange but it is very true for many people. If you look around the world you see many people giving their hearts away to just about anybody. So many individuals are walking around with low self-esteem, while others may be quite proud of themselves but don’t have any regard for how they live and the consequences down the road. Wounded Heart pg. 39



It amazes me to see how little some people actually consider the importance of their hearts. They are driven to make their hearts happy by chasing after the next accomplishment, relationship or achievement without any consideration of their heart.



Like little children who don't know the value of true gold over plastic gold, many teens and adults are walking around without the an understanding of the true value of their own heart. In an attempt to fulfill the needs of their hearts, people often put themselves into positions that actually keep their hearts from being fulfilled.



Prayer: Lord, help me to value my own heart. Teach me to value myself and my heart as much as you do. I pray this in Jesus name - amen.

So What Does True Love Look Like?

True love does two things: It protects and provides. There are many different things that we call love, but love is much more than a feeling or sensation. In its purest and most powerful form, love is a choice and it is action. What we do is much more powerful than what we feel. Feelings come and go. True love doesn’t change like the wind. If you want to know if someone loves you, just watch what they do. Do they protect you from things that would harm you and provide you with the things that you need like friendship, companionship, support and encouragement? Just think about that a little and remember that true love does two things: It protects and it provides. Wounded Heart p. 36

So much of our society is based on what people feel right now. One of the greatest keys to living a great life is consistency to values, principles and actions. Feelings are often the enemy of true love. True love demands that I do many things that I don't want to. Those of us that are married and/or have children know that love drives them every day to do things they don't "feel" like doing!

True love also doesn't change like the weather. True love is like a house built on a solid foundation. Through sunny days and storms - it stands. We often settle for a feeling that can change at the drop of a hat. If you are going to overcome past pain and disappointments and avoid future ones, you must learn to walk in true love and expect and actually demand it from others.

While we can't force people to love us this way, we can make sure that we don't settle for anything less. This means both being careful with who we expect to show is this kind of love but also to do all we can to help others understand, experience and walk in this kind of love also. This is impossible without God. This is why we should not enter into a romantic kind of love with anyone who doesn't truly love the Lord. We should also be careful with our friends. Yes, we need to be friends with many people and share Christ with all, but we need to make sure that our closest friends are on the same page and walking in God's love and Lordship.

Prayer: Jesus, continue to teach me what true love is. Teach me to expect people to love me in what they say and do in addition to what they feel. True love protects and provides, help me to settle for nothing less and use me to demonstrate what true love is wherever I go. I pray this in Jesus name - amen.

Key 1 - Learn What True Love Is

Our world is full of “experts.” We can turn on the radio, TV or go to the bookstore to hear or read great advice from the “experts.” It is amazing how many of yesterday’s experts are now seen as flawed or even flat out wrong. The world is full of marriage experts who are on their second or third marriage! I couldn’t believe it when I heard that the son one of the greatest “child experts” committed suicide. I think that we are often too quick to accept things we hear as good advice from whoever is most popular. So the question is, “Who do we go to when we want to understand the heart?” Science teaches us that everything that is organized and has a specific design and purpose needs a creator—someonewho planned it and put it together. That creation is designed to work a certain way, under certain conditions, and be maintained a certain way. Wounded Heart p. 33

The heart was created by God. It was created to feel and express so that we could live a life of passion and fulfillment. Along the way, our hearts grow or can be hurt. Love is one of the main driving forces behind our heart. If we don't know where to go to grow and where to go when we are hurt, we will be in trouble.

Knowing what true love is, the God kind of love, is absolutely necessary to live life to the fullest. Forget about the romance stuff for a minute. We need to understand, experience and walk in the love of God just so that we can be better people and enjoy life each day.

Now when it comes to relationships - family, friends and yes the romance type. There are so many "experts" out there that getting a clear understanding of how we should treat people and how they should treat us can be quite confusing. When we go to the author of life and the God described in the Bible as "God is love" that's the place to begin.

I literally learned what real love was from God Himself and through His Word the Bible. This may seem foreign to you, and it was for me but God began to teach me Himself. His presence in my life grew through prayer, study of God's Word and worship.

Prayer: Lord teach me what true love is. Remove all of the false definitions and improper examples of love that I have seen and experienced. Teach me what true love is so that I will settle for nothing less. I pray this in Jesus name - Amen

Delicate, fragile and wonderful

Your heart is soft, delicate and fragile. But it is also wonderful and capable of feeling so many awesome things. Imagine your heart is like a sponge. The reason a sponge can work is because it is soft. Because it is soft, it can absorb things. Also, because a sponge is soft, you can squeeze it and out comes whatever was absorbed. Just like a heart! A heart must be soft so that it can absorb love. It also must be soft so that it can be squeezed, like from a big hug, and the love can be given away.

Have you ever tried to wipe something up with a completely dry sponge? It doesn’t work very well and can’t absorb or be squeezed out. It only works when it is a little moist. Too many times, our hearts are hurt and become dried up and cannot absorb or give away love. When we learn how to take care of our hearts, we can keep them from drying up and causing us to live with no joy, hope, happiness or hunger to live life to the fullest. My hope is that we can learn how to live our lives in such a way that our hearts do what they are supposed to do. Wounded Heart pp. 29-30

I have one more example of what a heart is like. Your heart is like a beautiful crystal, finely cut, thin vase. Even if you’re a 6-foot, 3-inch middle linebacker, that describes your heart! Back to the vase: It is finely crafted, has great detail and is very valuable. Now if I took that vase and slammed it on the ground, what would happen? It would break into a million pieces. So we should just make sturdier vases, right?

Imagine this. My wife’s favorite flowers are tulips. When I buy my wife flowers, I will usually get her a dozen tulips. Just imagine if I was afraid of putting them inside a beautiful, fragile vase because I was afraid it would break. What if instead, on my way home, I pulled over to the side of the road and picked up a dirty, ugly rock, chipped a hole in it for the flowers, threw it in the back of my pickup truck and brought it home. On the way, I think about my new boulder vase with great pride. It will never break, we can have it forever and my wife will love it! Imagine that I walk into the house with those beautiful flowers in that dirty, old, ugly rock that I decided to turn into a vase. I’ve never tried it, but I don’t think that my wife would appreciate my creativity and everlasting vase. Wounded Heart pp. 30-31

The reality is for our hearts to be beautiful, they must be breakable.

This ends our introduction of Wounded Heart. We are now ready to get into some very practical keys to overcoming life's pain and disappointments. Remember that your heart is beautiful and so are you!!!

Tune in soon as we get ready for Key #1 Learn What True Love Is...

Preparing to Move Past the Pain of Today

Chapter 3

For many of us, pain has become a constant companion. It has become part of our lives and just seems normal. This is not God's will or plan. He is not the source or our pain, but He is the one who helps us overcome it and be healed from it. The more intentional we are in overcoming and moving past our pain, the sooner and deeper our healing will be. The first step is not accepting the pain. Your pain may be fresh or years old, but it has to go. Let's get ready for that journey. It may take time and will probably be painful along the way, but it is a road we have to travel.

Disappointment, failure, rejection, betrayal and broken dreams can wound your heart. This can be temporary or go on forever! p. 27 Wounded Heart

Chapter 3 of Wounded Heart deals with preparing to move past the pain of today. Most of us are probably more like, "Prepare??? Let's go, let's get rid of it!" But in reality, many people are often shaped, molded and even "comfortable" with their pain. Kind of like an old friend or family member who you put up with because you have to!

You don't have to walk in pain either on a regular basis or have it come and go in those lonely or stressful times. Let's get ready. God wants to do amazing things in your life, we have to be prepared for it. Let's pray...

Prayer - "Jesus you are my healer. I am ready for my healing journey. Today I give you my pain, my heartache and my disappointments. Help prepare me for all that you want to do in my heart. I pray this in Jesus name - Amen."

We Can't Depend on Own Thinking and Wisdom

When speaking to groups, I often ask questions like: "How many have ever done something that seemed right or felt right, but later regretted it?" I usually get a bunch of hands and a lot of smirks, laughs and other funny faces and comments. Much of life's pain is actually caused by us doing what seems right at the time. I discuss this on our way to learning how to let God lead us in our lives.

The second condition is "not leaning on our own understanding." This means that we can not just trust our own thinking, wisdom and decisions. This can be difficult because society teaches us to be self-reliant and that we are weak when we depend on others. The reality is that when we compare ourselves to God, we are weak, lack wisdom and at times are terrible decision makers. We must acknowledge that God knows us and the world around us a whole lot better than we do.

Acknowledging God

God's Words says, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6) This means when we acknowledge we need Him, He helps us. p. 24

God doesn't lead us into pitfalls and failures. Humility is key in experiencing God's power and presence in our lives. Each day, bring your issues to Jesus, lay them at the cross, ask for help. God wants to help you more than you want to help yourself!

It begins with laying down pride and acknowledging not only your need for a Savior but for a Lord.

Trusting the Lord

Chapter 2

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)

Most people read this scripture and picture God as a happy crossing guard who points you in the right direction so that you can continue on your merry way. It can mean this, but it also means that we are to trust God when we don't understand what is going on in life. People often ask themselves questions like: "How did this happen?" or "How did I get into this?" It is in these moments where God becomes more real to us than ever before. He promises to make our paths straight. That is a poetic way of saying that He will lead us in the right and best direction. The issue is that for Him to do that we have to do our part. Our part is to acknowledge Him in all our ways. We often don't receive His direction because we don't really acknowledge Him and seek His input into our lives. Wounded Heart pgs. 22-23

I wrote about this scripture after describing my experiences after my wife miscarried twins. It was our dream to have twins. Trusting God is a easier to do in good times. Acknowledging, trusting and seeking His guidance takes on a whole different meaning during pain and crisis. This was one of those times in life where I learned to trust God at some of the worst moments of my life.

There is a lot more to that story but the bottom line is that I have learned to trust God at all times. In Wounded Heart, I delve much deeper into this. All I can say is that God is available at all times and especially during the worst times. He will never leave you or forsake you.

We live in a fallen world where many things happen that are not part of God's will for our lives but He is there to help us through these times. God is not the author of our pain, but He is the one that gets us through our pain and onto healing. We must trust Him to get there!

Trusting God in the Middle of Pain

Chapter 2

It is very difficult to trust anyone when we are in pain. Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves. When we trust someone, we must be vulnerable to them. That's what trust is. Trust is letting down your guard to someone who you believe will help and protect you. In times of pain this is hard, if not impossible. I have struggled with trusting people. When people let us down or hurt us at very crucial times in life, it can have a way of burning something into our soul, causing us to not be willing or able to trust others. It is not healthy if we have no one to trust. For me, learning to trust people began with learning to trust God in some painful situations. Wounded Heart pg. 19

One of the mistakes that people often make is that they judge God based on what people have done. This causes us to look at God through the flawed character of man. If we view God this way we will not trust Him because of what a person did.

The next thing that often happens is that this distrust of God becomes permanent. Then the reality kicks in that we have to trust somebody. We often forgive man and hold a grudge against God! At this point, people then are trusting imperfect and flawed man but either refuse or aren't able to trust God! This creates a cycle of ongoing disappointment.

The key is learning to trust God in the middle of our pain. I often tell people that: "God is not the author of you the situation you are in, but He is the way out". God does not cause all things. In our free will, we often set ourselves up for failure or to be hurt or to hurt others.

God does not change, He is available and He wants to help you. In your pain, run to God, not away from Him. He is the Healer, He is the source of wisdom that we need.

Yes, we must have people to trust in our lives, but most importantly, we must trust Jesus day in and day out.

Coming to the End of Ourselves

Life has it's ups and downs. Below is how Chpt. 1 of Wounded Heart ends. It's about coming to the end of ourselves and learning to lean on and rely on our Creator.

When people come to me after they've been fired, failed at something or been betrayed, I talk with them and comfort them. But most importantly, I point them to Jesus. I understand that I am limited, but God is limitless. When we come to the end of ourselves, we are just getting to the beginning of God. This is something the you must experience for yourself. My goal is to help you connect with God. He will not only heal you, but guide you to make right choices that will help you avoid failures, pitfalls and wrong people. It's about having a relationship with Jesus. He promises that when you seek Him, He will be found! So don't travel this bumpy road alone. Invite God to be a part of your journey and surround yourself with people who are for you and not against you.

Yes, pain is a harsh reality, but God is bigger than your pain. With God there is hope. Each day is a new opportunity. The healing of a wounded heart is a journey, so let's get ready to take the next step. Wounded Heart - pg. 17

Process, process, process - this is the key to change in life. If we embrace the process that God wants to bring us through our lives will be changed. No process = no change.

Take a moment and just ask Jesus to help you. Take the things that are weighing heavy on you and surrender them to Jesus. Let Him take away the weight of yesterday's pain.

Pain is real but so is the healing power of Jesus Christ.

There is a peace that comes when we admit that we can't solve everything and invite Jesus into our situations. Take the journey one step at a time!

Taking a Journey of Healing

Overcoming pain is often a journey. For many people, they think overcoming pain is a drink away or whatever there own self-medication system may be. The next relationship, the next adventure, the next....

When I was 17 I made a declaration that I would never let anyone or anything hurt me again. It was one of the worst decisions I ever made. I began to walk in a world of numbness that was only broken by pain or sorrow. In trying to shut out pain, I shut out joy and happiness. Following is from Chpt. 1 of Wounded Heart as I explain how my journey of healing began.

"I was walking up a steep hill in New York City around Broadway and 123rd Street on a very cold day. The wind was burning my face, and all of a sudden I realized that this was the first time I had felt anything in a long time. I was actually happy to feel the pain - to feel anything. At that moment something hit me and I decided I wanted to live and love again. I accepted the fact that I might have to go through pain. I knew that feeling joy, pleasure and love would only be possible if I were willing to take a chance at being hurt. I was tired of being a tough guy. So the journey began.

They say the longest journey begins with a single step. I took my first step on that cold winter night." WH - pg. 12

It seems funny now but my declaration of never feeling pain was the result of losing a football game at 17 and a few bad choices that I made. It was the start of 10 years of a growing emptiness within me. I have learned a lot since then.

Whatever the source of your pain, God can heal it. My sources started out as simple disappointments but grew because I did not deal with them. In my disillusionment with life, I just kept on making bad choices and decisions. Much of my life was on track but all it takes is occasional bad choice and life will not go the way that it could. Don't make the same mistake I did.

Let's take a journey over the next 8 weeks to a better place. A place of healing, wholeness, victory and joy. You don't have to know all the steps, just take one at a time and let God do the rest!

Share your comments online and share this blog with others. People need healing, please share this resource. This is not theory to me, I have lived it.

Be blessed!

Jack